Thursday 23 January 2014

The Cling Factor

 
Sigh. My daughters, sitting in my Grandparents dining room, away from the rest of my family sitting in the room next door. Their choice. A case of whatever keeps them happy and quiet so I can finish my conversation, just this once.

What an absolute exhausting week this has been. Any patience I had left has just disappeared, along with all the sleep and rest that I'm just not getting. And we're on holidays. So it makes that exhausted feeling, just feel all the more worst. Because I would have liked to have felt a little more rested on holidays than I actually am.

While the household has recovered from it's bout of norovirus, the girls have been slow to settle and relax with the unfamiliar faces that are around them. It's meant lots of time fighting over who gets to sit on Mum's lap while I'm trying to have a conversation with somebody. Sick children wanting to only be comforted by Mum. And more whinging or whining than I can stand or care to listen to. And lets not talk about the crying and running into another room if somebody from my family happens to look at them or feel affectionate and try to pick one of my daughters up.

This last week has been hard. Even after all the vomiting stopped.

We cancelled our trip down to Hobart. While I desperately wanted to go there, it was becoming plainly obvious that to do so, was biting off more than I could chew. And would require more effort than I have left in my reserves.

My youngest waking up in the night, and taking 2 or so hours to fall back to sleep, is not helping matters either.

I can't help but want my girls to enjoy spending time with my family. But all my wants are futile. To my girls, these faces are unfamiliar. While they might be able to sense my relaxed nature around my family, they haven't been quick to copy it. I guess walking in the door to a house that isn't your own, and vomiting uncontrollably within the first hour of arriving, can make you feel wary of a place for awhile.

Also, there's that unrealistic expectation. For your children to be on their best behavior, for everybody to be able to enjoy and see them at their best. Completely unrealistic at moments during this holiday. 

And so it goes with living far away from family. That just as you start to near the date you leave, that they both start to feel more comfortable. In their surrounds, with my family. Finally going to them now for comfort and cuddles. Their behaviour more settled (mostly!) It currently feels very unfair!! For all of us.

Do you live away from family? Finding it sucks big time too?

19 comments:

  1. Oh dear Carla, it doesn't sound as though your trip is as relaxing as you had hoped it would be. I don't have any children so I cannot offer any support or advice from that side, but I can say as one who is sometimes visited by or in the company of children that I don't see a lot, I understand that it is difficult for them, and don't get upset by it and take it in my stride, which I am sure that your friends and family will do as well. All that you have said sounds spot on to me, they are unfamiliar people in a strange place and the adults around should understand that (in my view!!) and I hope that they do. I hope that you get some peace and quiet and relaxing soon. xx

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    1. Thank you Amy. Luckily everybody has been mostly very understanding (those that can remember what it's like to have small children anyway!!). It's just been a little tiring!!!

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  2. I am glad to hear that your girls have settled even if it was at the end of your trip. Kids are unpredictable at the best of times, sounds like you are have managed all the same. I am sure you are looking forward to going home even though your family are far away.

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    1. They are definetly unpredictable!! Something you will experience soon enough!!! xx

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  3. Before the Christmas holiday, I read the article below. It is about how relatives might be family to you, but to your child who only sees them maybe once or twice a year - they are strangers. You should not force or expect your children to greet them with hugs and kisses, even though it might be frustrating for you. Sorry your trip didn't turn out as planned.
    http://www.heathershumaker.com/blog/2013/11/25/kissing-grandma-a-holiday-primer/

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    1. Katie, thank you for this. It's a great post xx

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  4. oh dear. sleep deprivation is such a nasty thing, but combined with trying to enjoy something made difficult to enjoy is just...shitty. hope all settles again. and yes, we are far from all family. can be such a challenge at times. x

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  5. oh, i am so sorry to hear your holiday has not been all that you hoped for. i can hear your frustration and fatigue thru ever word. i hope it picks up soon.

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    1. Everything has returned to normal now that we're home!! Back to their mostly happy selves! x

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  6. I know where you are coming from Carla, I have lived away from family for 15 years. All I can say is that as my children got older, visiting not so familiar family got less stressful, probably because it gets easier for them to rationalise and understand. Holidays back home are also quite busy because there are so many aunts, grans und cousins to visit, places to see etc. It can be really tiring I know. Your girls were both ill, which made an unusual situation even more challenging. I am glad your little ones are back to their normal happy selves now. Cx

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  7. Oh I'm so sorry to hear things are so difficult for you at the moment. Getting sick on holidays is no fun either. I really feel for you. I felt myself nodding along when I read this story. I know what it's like to have the kids clinging onto you and only wanting mum. We went away in the new year, just for a couple of days, and my girls were just the way yours are now. It's hard when you just want them to have fun and settle in. It's a difficult thing for kids being out of their comfort zone though. We are heading on a big trip in April - overseas. I feel really nervous. I so desperately want to enjoy it, but I know that it will take a while for the girls to adjust to a new environment, new sleeping arrangements etc. I hope your little ones are all settled now.

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    1. Holidays away always make the Mum in me a little nervous too. So many new arrangements to contend with. I always remind myself the new experience is worth all the effort it takes!!
      As expected, the girls returned to their normal and best selves as soon as we arrived home!! x

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  8. I know just how you feel. We don't have any family nearby so all of the grandparents are long distance. My parents always make a huge effort to come to stay for the weekend every couple of months (they live 250 miles/4.5 hours away) and we visit them for a week or so at least twice a year. So my kids have a great, close relationship with them. Skype and the phone helps when they are a little older. But I don't see my nieces and nephews that much and I feel like we spend a week getting to know each other, then it's time to go again! Frustrating. But it does get easier as they get older. xx

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  9. It's the one major sadness in the joy of being able to choose to live pretty much anywhere in the world. We are all to often tens of thousands of miles away from both sets of grandparents and it aches at times to get through the first few days and sometimes weeks of reconnecting. I have no answers to offer but thank you for your honesty in sharing your experience.

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    1. I agree with everything that you said. Though I will say, the older I get, the more inclined I am to live closer to home xx

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  10. My kids are clingers... they don't take to new situations very well at all (and by 'new' I mean anything that's not home and us). Things have improved as they have grown a little. x

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  11. Our kids sound very similar Bron. Mine are the same, they tend to have finally relaxed into a place right as we're about to leave. It can be so frustrating! I'm hoping it's something they will grow out of x

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